ANYTHING.MYYKA

I left he house around 7am to go to school for the papers that I need to pass. Hoping that me and my friend can leave as soon as possible for our first day as Interns.

Around 8am we left FEU to go to Taguig. I had an idea that there will be alot of people in the LRT station.

I almost gave up because of the crowd and the heat. It really drained my energy.

And then I experience it again on my way home. My feet are sour. My body is tired and energy is below zero. I never imagine people gone wild like that. Cursing, pushing around amd even looking pissed directly to someone. If they can justbstay calm and be considerate as well to the others.

Here we go again. Wecame to the point that we arr having awkward silence.
There are really things we can talk about but now we are having a hard time to connect and have some communication. What is going on???

I can’t remember the last time I blogged.

To start of, first I wanna share the experience of theatre production. It’s fun to work with my blockmates and also my friends.

Another challenge that we all accepted. Wether we like it or not as if we really have a choice. Mentioning that ot only covers one major but not super major subject it also happens that we have other class requirements to make.

And excuse us if we usually procastinate and do whatever is due on that day before and that our rehearsals/meeting and such are taking all our time. We don’t even have time to rest on our rest day anymore. Our minds wouldn’t let us or may I say our professor’s demand wouldn’t let us.

She keeps on telling us this and that. Don’t do this, do that. Everyone say “yes that could help” but its like we can’t decide on our own. We also need her approval in everything. She’s like controlling us on everything.

Not even consodering that we need to rest. If she doesn’t want to rest well we want to rest. We have other requirements. We lack money. We also have to explore our limits.

Every girl dress up, put make up on, stay fit to keep their guy interested and not look for more.
Even though guys usually say that its enough, you don’t have to do this and that.
Its just our own way to satisfy ourselves and also for them but we wait for them to complement us for our satisfaction that we did enough.

It is too much to ask? I mean without really asking. Am I the only person who think that it should go automatic when they will compliment us?

I don’t want it to sound like they are forced but why are they going to make up for excuses.
They may not be into details just like girls butnit doesn’t mean they won’t take time to notice. Besides its their girl what to lose if you will go into details when it comes to them.

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We have 7 days left till christmas. I still haven’t bought anything for anyone except myself.

Well I already got my gift from a ninang and from my parents. Since they mom have no choice but to bring me with her cause she have no idea of what I was asking for.

From being so giddy and happy from all I’m getting this month some negative things till have its way to interupt.

Income is not quite good I’m beginning to become guilty of what I asked for. But then I got attached with Ellie already it.

Next is my boyfriend and I we’re in a rocky situation that keep us cold and hot headed at the same time.

I always put in mind that you can’t simply just have it all and it might be (partly) my fault why I have short temper and mood swings but why to blame its the common thing to a girl when they het upset or something they didn’t like.

Rocky road. Not a flavor of an ice cream but the path I’m taking lately. Not as extreme as the roller coaster but a bumpy way ahead.

Things are not going well. Unfocus. Easily distracted and lastly broken promises.

I may look though outside but still I have my soft side where I really feel like I’m shuttering into pisses. I’m really not a strong person. I’m easly hurt, pissed and disappointed.

And I just heard the most unexpected peron to tell me that I really have a bad attitude but still choose me because he loves me. Even though he loves me telling me that I have a bad attitude is really painful.

Its not that easy hearing someone saying that. Even if his not close to you. What more if this really means alot.

I feel broken and down and everything.

“Hi. Goodmorning. Uhm, well. Here I go again. I knew that things wouldn’t change that much if I did something to make this all work but I’m glad I saw you yesterday. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. There was just too much negativity that I could handle so I couldn’t stay long. Anyways, I had this thought also that I may fear the worst. Pero sana po hindi. With all the things I’ve put you through, maybe may point ka. Babe. I just wanna say that I’m sorry and I don’t wanna spend the holidays na ganito. Not in this way. I know, as you’ve said, you are not sure of things and feelings and I respect that. I just wish that we can be back together and rekindle everything happy between us. I don’t say much, I always say the wrong things, but still I’m your babu. The one that made you laugh, kilig, inis, and love with all your heart. Balik ka na sakin. :( I love you w/ all of my heart. Take care. ({})”

Is it weird not to feel better with a text like this?

As my friend and I were talking about our doubts. Then I eealize I started to trust. Para iwas gulo.

But then why is that everytime I learn to trust here comes doubt again.